when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
