New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
