Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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