What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
