Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
