she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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