It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
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