Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
