Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
this boner is exhausting
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she told me i tasted like america
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
