ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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