you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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