just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
