problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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