The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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