it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
