i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
