If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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