too bad you live with your parents still
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
