Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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