im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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