I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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