i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
