Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
