they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
