when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
