i already hear my dad disowning me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
