yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
