Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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