RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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