Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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