We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize