so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
