Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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