he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
