don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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