the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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