Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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