haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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