At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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