My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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