How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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