if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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