i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
