my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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