No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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