So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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