I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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