My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
