I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
