sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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