When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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