You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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