If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
