How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
