He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
organizing the empties. That sober.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
