I wannas sexs uuuuu
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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