I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
