maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
