so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
