this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
