Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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