And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
worst night to have a conscience
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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