I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
