well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
