the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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