I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They have beer where we have blood.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
