i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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