so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
