I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
