I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
