So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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